Read about the experiences of people who have attended a state fellowship meeting.

“MOBBF Couples Retreat 2025: I was thankful for the opportunity to attend the couple’s retreat and reflect on my marriage with my wife. There are several ways the Lord challenged me at the retreat. Here are a few:

First, I was soberly reminded of the high call of marriage and the implications it has for both my walk with Christ and my effectiveness as a pastor. Managing my household well is a qualification for being an elder (1 Tim 3:4). If I do not lovingly and intentionally shepherd my wife, then I have no business being a pastor. Therefore, I am accountable to God for my marriage before I am accountable to God for my church. To neglect my family as a pastor would make me a whitewashed tomb – beautiful on the outside (to my congregation and other pastors) but dead and unclean on the inside (to my family). This led me to ask several self-counsel questions as I sat through the sessions.

· How am I leading my wife?

· What is the state of my marriage?

· Would I hold up my marriage as an example to my flock (1 Peter 5:3)?

· Would I hold up how I husband and father as an example to my flock?

· Am I a better shepherd for my church than I am for my wife and kids?

· How would my wife answer these questions?

Second, I was convicted to make the most of my time at home. There are times I struggle to some degree with what the speaker calls hypervigilance. My response to hypervigilance is not always the righteous response. I occasionally find myself home physically but not home mentally. The difficult counseling case that ended at 4:30pm is still rattling around in my brain. I’m thinking about the dreaded conversation tomorrow. I’m holding a sermon review in my head after I just preached, or I am preparing for the next sermon in my mind. The list goes on. And there are times that I would rather rest from the long day of work than engage with my family. In those moments, my family deserved better. God deserved better.

I was reminded that my work doesn’t stop when I leave the office. Work begins when I walk through my front door and see my family in need of a loving and attentive leader. I must die to self and remember that it is better to serve than to be served. If Jesus laid down his life for me, then I ought to lay down my life in all the small and ordinary ways for my family.

Third, I was comforted to know that the struggles I face as a pastor – placing my identity in ministry, hypervigilance, etc. – are common to man issues. It’s easy to look around and think, “Am I the only one who struggles in this area?” Personally, when I begin to believe I am the only one facing these pressures, then these pressures become unnecessarily intensified. As a result, it’s easier to become discouraged, isolate myself from help for fear of what others might think of me, or justify sinning since ‘no one else has it as hard as me.’ Looking around and seeing other couples affirm the reality of these struggles, including the speaker, reminded me that my struggle is an ordinary one. God has seen these pressures a million times and has faithfully helped other pastors overcome them. Surely, he can sanctify me in these areas as well.

As I wrap up this reflection on the retreat, I know that realization does not equal change. It’s easier to think about the ways I was challenged than it is to live in light of them. I assume the same is true for you. Brothers, may we be doers of the word and not hearers only. Let’s strive to resiliently love our brides as we serve the bride of Christ.”

Stephen Vela, Pastor of Hospitality and Student Ministry

Grace Baptist Church

St. Charles, MO